golden compass spoiler

although i haven't seen the movie! but i have the trilogy at home, and read it once a few years ago. on a whim i picked up the first book a couple of weeks ago - northern lights, the british version - and after two or three times picking it up and reading randomly i suddenly found myself utterly unable to put it down, once again. yes, even with baby. i'll say more about the series later - old thoughts, and new ones this time around - but my blog-need right now is just to note that having a baby - i mean raising one - is a bit like having a daemon. because you hold them, love them, cuddle them, and the further away they get from you, physically, the more restless and painful your heart feels. and then one day you cross the water, or more accurately, your child does... and then (hopefully) you learn that you can live away from each other, you can live without your child's constant presence in your life, and you can each be whole in a way you couldn't be so closely attached.
but the daemon, of course, is your soul, not your child...

anyway, a strange and unproductive day. i had some of the worst abdominal pain i've had since, well, the morning my labor started. don't worry, i know what it was and i've worked it... um... out. and my poor husband had to come home from work early for such a reason, because as silly as it sounds it was practically debilitating and i couldn't take care of musa - that was a revelation, and a serious one - but he brought me nice things and made a nice fiber-ous and delicious dinner and now i'm all better and trying to put a very tired, very hyper baby to sleep.
well, not a baby anymore...