the science of virginity
i apologize in advance for the graphic (but scientific) nature of what i'm about to cut and paste... especially if my dad sees this!! :O but i think it's important because there really seem to be a LOT of people out there with misconceptions about being able to "identify" virginity.
i've been reading many posts on various blogs, including suroor's, peaceful muslimah's and aliya's on the subject of the virginity of muslim women, vs the non-issue of male virginity, etc etc, and why is it culturally so focused on the women when the qur'an is abundantly clear in its emphasis on chastity for both men and women, and spells out clearly all the outlets and responsibilities that each have with regard to this issue.
so i just wanted to post some information from wikipedia - not linking coz they have some pictures that might shock those of delicate sensibilities :) - about the hymen and why enough blood to stain the sheets your first time is NOT an indication of having been a virgin ten minutes ago (emphases are added by me):
"The hymen... is a fold of mucous membrane which surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening. It forms part of the vulva, or external genitalia. [3][4] Some girls are born without a hymen. [5] [6]... A woman's hymen is destroyed when she gives birth; she may be left with remnants called carunculae mytriformes or the hymen may be completely absent.[8]
...The hymen is not normally damaged by playing sports, using tampons, pelvic examinations or even straddle injuries.[21] Once a girl reaches puberty, the hymen tends to become quite elastic. It is not possible to determine whether a woman uses tampons or not by examining her hymen: only 43% of women report bleeding the first time they had sex; which means that in the other 57% of women the hymen likely stretched enough that it didn't tear. "
i still remember from a class on human sexuality in middle school the different illustrations of various possible formations of the hymen. it was THEN that i learned that depending on the shape, opening width and natural elasticity of the hymen, it will not necessarily "break" or tear or bleed with first penetration.
but how do you educate millions of people, men AND women, about this, against the power of centuries of cultural obsession?
it seems so strange to me that this one tiny, low piece of flesh can determine the course - or the end - of a girl's entire life, even if it hasn't been touched! watched an indian movie, pinjar, at a dear friend's house the other night. in a nutshell, a girl who is about to get married (in 1946 india) is kidnapped for one night by a family who just wants to ruin her family. nothing is done to her, but the fact that she has spent one night out of her family's home, in the home of a strange man, even though she was kidnapped, means she can NEVER go home again, NEVER get married to anyone else, and her family's honor is ruined. and of course although it doesn't get into such gritty details, it's all because of that piece of flesh that has become synonymous with honor!
when in truth, today, having that flesh in place means nothing with regards to one's chastity - a different word entirely, that to me encompasses your entire approach to dealing with the opposite sex, not just never having had sex before. and on both levels, it is a quality that is meant to apply to both men and women. who was more chaste than the beloved prophet? do we say his wives were chaste but not him? and if men want to emulate the prophet, why do they not emphasize his chastity as one of the qualities they want to emulate?
i feel like i'm beating a dead horse... now that i have written all this i feel like i don't want to get sucked into a whirlwind around this one tiny issue... but the issue becomes so huge when ignorance ignites it into a method of oppression and discrimination. if we want to make a change in the muslim world with regard to how women are treated - as the bastions of "honor" for their men, with all the attached UNISLAMIC woes like FGM and honor killings, while the men have no "honor" themselves with no attached social consequences - then we need to approach it from within islam itself. and men themselves - male scholars? - need to take up that mission as well. but, i don't see that happening... (i know that some male scholars, last year i think? put out a fatwa about FGM, but i'm not sure how much power it had, especially because it comes after such prodding from the west...) can't we come to our senses about these things ourselves???
i've been reading many posts on various blogs, including suroor's, peaceful muslimah's and aliya's on the subject of the virginity of muslim women, vs the non-issue of male virginity, etc etc, and why is it culturally so focused on the women when the qur'an is abundantly clear in its emphasis on chastity for both men and women, and spells out clearly all the outlets and responsibilities that each have with regard to this issue.
so i just wanted to post some information from wikipedia - not linking coz they have some pictures that might shock those of delicate sensibilities :) - about the hymen and why enough blood to stain the sheets your first time is NOT an indication of having been a virgin ten minutes ago (emphases are added by me):
"The hymen... is a fold of mucous membrane which surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening. It forms part of the vulva, or external genitalia. [3][4] Some girls are born without a hymen. [5] [6]... A woman's hymen is destroyed when she gives birth; she may be left with remnants called carunculae mytriformes or the hymen may be completely absent.[8]
...The hymen is not normally damaged by playing sports, using tampons, pelvic examinations or even straddle injuries.[21] Once a girl reaches puberty, the hymen tends to become quite elastic. It is not possible to determine whether a woman uses tampons or not by examining her hymen: only 43% of women report bleeding the first time they had sex; which means that in the other 57% of women the hymen likely stretched enough that it didn't tear. "
i still remember from a class on human sexuality in middle school the different illustrations of various possible formations of the hymen. it was THEN that i learned that depending on the shape, opening width and natural elasticity of the hymen, it will not necessarily "break" or tear or bleed with first penetration.
but how do you educate millions of people, men AND women, about this, against the power of centuries of cultural obsession?
it seems so strange to me that this one tiny, low piece of flesh can determine the course - or the end - of a girl's entire life, even if it hasn't been touched! watched an indian movie, pinjar, at a dear friend's house the other night. in a nutshell, a girl who is about to get married (in 1946 india) is kidnapped for one night by a family who just wants to ruin her family. nothing is done to her, but the fact that she has spent one night out of her family's home, in the home of a strange man, even though she was kidnapped, means she can NEVER go home again, NEVER get married to anyone else, and her family's honor is ruined. and of course although it doesn't get into such gritty details, it's all because of that piece of flesh that has become synonymous with honor!
when in truth, today, having that flesh in place means nothing with regards to one's chastity - a different word entirely, that to me encompasses your entire approach to dealing with the opposite sex, not just never having had sex before. and on both levels, it is a quality that is meant to apply to both men and women. who was more chaste than the beloved prophet? do we say his wives were chaste but not him? and if men want to emulate the prophet, why do they not emphasize his chastity as one of the qualities they want to emulate?
i feel like i'm beating a dead horse... now that i have written all this i feel like i don't want to get sucked into a whirlwind around this one tiny issue... but the issue becomes so huge when ignorance ignites it into a method of oppression and discrimination. if we want to make a change in the muslim world with regard to how women are treated - as the bastions of "honor" for their men, with all the attached UNISLAMIC woes like FGM and honor killings, while the men have no "honor" themselves with no attached social consequences - then we need to approach it from within islam itself. and men themselves - male scholars? - need to take up that mission as well. but, i don't see that happening... (i know that some male scholars, last year i think? put out a fatwa about FGM, but i'm not sure how much power it had, especially because it comes after such prodding from the west...) can't we come to our senses about these things ourselves???
posted by Ayesha | 12:16 PM
4 Comments:
salam ayesha,
it was so good seeing you last weekend, iA i'll see you more often from now on.
ok you know my reactions to the movie and the other subjects brought up that day -- i had a very hard time reading your post and actually i skimmed through most of the paragraphs so i might be reiterating what you've already said but VERY interesting ending.
to accuse someone of adultery you have to bring forward 4 witnesses, which i think is pretty difficult to do. already in that there's a lot of leniency and then if you read what happens if someone is being accused and there aren't 4 witnesses - perhaps this shows that even though chastity is important, people shouldn't guard it to the point of cultural obsession (what you were talking about in the post).
Judging by my experience of trying to educate folks about sectarian prejudice, you can tell them any number of facts about the hymen, and even about sunnah. It doesn't make any difference to them. They will forget about this stuff an hour later, and it will remain part of their religio-cultural attitudes.
I know. Bleak.
who taught human sexuality in middle school?
-hassan
cuz - maybe the next generation? i mean, most of the people with those attitudes are going to die out someday, right? :S
hassan, it was spence. he actually did a pretty good job.
ps, when you post comments now you should sign in, that way people can click on your name and go straight to your blog!
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